10 tips on how to get your partner to Marriage counselling
You cannot make your partner do anything they do not want to. However, in this post, we will provide 10 tips on how to help get your partner to marriage counselling. Understanding their fears or worries about the experience, can help you address those issues and overcome the hurdle. In the process, you may also learn about your partner, and potentially solve some issues.
Keep in mind that it is typically not a lack of love or care that makes a partner refuse marriage counselling. There are a range of other concerns.
1. Find a good time to talk
The first step in getting your partner to Marriage counselling is talking openly and honestly about the reasons why you feel you need to go. Try and avoid using negative language, blaming them, or an angry tone. By framing it from your perspective and your experience, you can stop them from feeling ambush.
2. Tell your partner your goals of counselling
It is important for your partner to understand that you want to go to counselling not to point fingers or highlight how they failed you. But instead to improve the quality of the relationship and understanding between the two of you.
3. Own up to your own failures
A relationship, and therefore relationship struggles, are always a two-person effort. This means that no matter what they have done, you have certainly contributed to the position. Therefore, use this time to own up to your failures and explain that with a counsellor you hope to find solutions for both of you.
4. Say what you have done so far
Bring up the ways you have tried to make the relationship better, and how they have been contributing to it. However, bring it back to how you want your relationship to be even more fulfilling, fun, and connected for both of you.
5. Make sure to take time after a fight
Bringing up marriage counselling during, or directly after a fight will just flare up tempers. Make sure you have given yourself and your partner time to cool down and make some positive memories. This way, the want to work towards a stronger relationship is grounded in positivity rather than anger or frustration.
6. Assure them this is not about blame
Make sure your partner knows that this is not a name and shame, or right or wrong game. Marriage counselling is a place for you to learn to communicate better and build a happier and stronger marriage.
7. Tell your partner they can help you choose counsellor
Sometimes the best way to find a solution that works best for you, is to find a person that you click with. Share the research you have already done and ask them about what they would look for in a counsellor. Quite often, it is about finding someone you click with. Someone both partners click with and feel comfortable with.
8. Listen to their concerns
When your partner tells you why they do not want to go, the best thing you can do is to listen. Avoid interrupting or defending your belief. Hear them out and try and understand the underlying reasons for rejecting counselling.
9. Try and put yourself into their shoes
If they have felt hurt by the marriage, or they are concerned about money, consider why they have these opinions. Try not to argue with their concerns but instead, like listed above, hear them out to find a mutual ground.
10. Book a solo appointment
If you are really struggling to communicate with your partner or have them understand your insistence on marriage counselling, maybe start with yourself. Begin your own journey of healing and self-discovery. This can potentially trigger them to want to see what it is all about. In addition, you will be able to ask your counsellor directly if they have any tips on how to get your partner to marriage counselling.